Hey there Alca, it's me. T3tsuya. What are you doing tonight? I thought we could talk, I'm really bored this phase. I brought some cocoa and a pizza. Pizzas are festive right?
Christmas is coming up very quickly, I hope you're excited! Well, unless you're Jewish. In that event it's not coming up at all. Actually rethinking it, it's still approaching rapidly whether you're Jewish or not, but in the event that you ARE Jewish you will likely not be celebrating Christmas. There is the possible fringe case of your household being a Judeo-Christian household like mine wherein one of your parents was raised Jewish while your other parent was raised Christian. I'll bet that was a fairly awkward wedding in the case of your Grandparents being very firm on their belief that their children should only marry within the faith. Your Bubbie and Zadie were likely appalled and saying insensitive things such as "OY VEY. NO DAUGHTER/SON OF MINE IS MARRYING A GENTILE. THAT LITTLE ALTE MAKHSHEYFE IS TRYING TO CORRUPT THE FAITH. FEH!" as they began turning a shade of red that contrasted fantastically against the silver of Zadie's toupee. It was a different time Alca, don't blame them too much. They had to go through a great period of strife. The European stage in the 1930s-1950s was a very turbulent and hateful time period to grow up in. Neighbors fought neighbors. Countrymen were killed by their Governments, and the height of fashion was wearing an onion on your belt. Simply owning an onion was enough to press a claim on the throne of fashion, Alca. It was that bad. That started a new problem, is this vegetable a status symbol, or do I eat it for food? Thousands decided to starve.
My Grandparents were Jewish, so as a result we still celebrate Hanukkah. But it's more of a family tradition than a matter of being a practicing Jew. I never had a Bar Mitzvah. If we claimed to be Jewish, we'd be pretty terrible at it. Hanukkah is not a major holiday to Jews. But people try to make a big deal about it because it's held in the same period as Christmas. Try to imagine if instead of Christmas, everyone made a big deal of Ash Wednesday. What a crazy proposition. Passover is the big one and our family doesn't even celebrate that, Hanukkah is just convenient. You get to eat gelt and spin a dreidel and watch it fall down because you never bothered to learn the actual dreidel game. It's like Pokemon cards, most kids never learned. They just kind of had them. That's right, a millennium old tradition is being likened to Pokemon cards. Get over it Alca. It's not that weird a comparison. I'm not insensitive, I'm just a realist.
Anyway, we still celebrate Christmas as well. How could we not? It's such a popular holiday outside of any religious faith that it's begun to stand for blind consumerism over anything else. I hope your family still celebrates things together Alca, that is the actual meaning of Christmas. Family togetherness. It's not the presents or the consumerist background to the season. You can have a perfectly fine Christmas sitting on the couch bundled up in a blanket watching the Peanuts' Christmas Special for literally the 290th collective instance in your family's watching history. I've watched it so many times throughout my life, but the funny thing is I don't think I can recall a single thing that occurred. Maybe the Peanuts were just not very memorable kids. Everyone only remembers Woodstock and Snoopy. And that's because Snoopy is a dog and Woodstock is an asshole. Charlie Brown is probably the most blank slate kid you could possibly have. He's essentially an insert for the watcher, but in the guise of a 9 year old cancer patient. He has one wisp of hair and he's picked on all the time by those he tries to be friends with, how fucked up is that? And we're meant to empathize with this guy. I also remember Pigpen for some reason but that's mostly because he was literally a trash monkey that ran around in his own filth. The magnitude of how insane that is is likely the most memorable part of the character. The craziest part of that is the kids STILL played with him and treated him better than Charlie Brown was treated. The kid exuded a cloud of his own miasma and everyone was alright with that and barely mentioned it. I even think he had a girlfriend at some point. Would you date a guy who got you sick just by looking at you? I feel sorry for him though, that means his parents barely care for him. How neglectful of a homelife must he have that his parents don't even care if he leaves a scorched trail of singed carpeting as he walks out the door? But, I guess that was in the 1950s too. Like I said before Alca, different time. Even here in America.
Like I said before, don't worry about your presents this year. Whatever you get, it's more than you had previously. I learned this when I was about 8 years old, I don't remember what I was doing but I was evidently being a little asshole enough that my parents collectively decided I was going to receive coal from Santa. I still got other presents (Birthday presents too even though I did get shafted a lot, My birthday is on December 23rd. Which is soon! I'm not really looking forward to it though, I feel like I'm getting way too old.). But when I opened the coal on Christmas morning my parents were recording the entire thing to watch my reaction. I was confused, not hurt. But confused. I took my stocking and threw all the coal contained within it into the fireplace, turned to my parents, and said, "Even if I got coal, I'll still find a way to play with it.".
It was at precisely that moment my family accepted that I was going to be a smartass for the entirety of my life.
I haven't disappointed yet.
Don't live Christmas like me Alca.