IKEA UPICK MAFIA [the end]

A soundtrack

Gently, gently, the chair raised itself to its full height and looked deeply at the people around it, seeming lost and disheartened. its elegant design seemed to add a beauty to its sorrow. The sorrow that people sat upon it with great frequency, but no one committed to the purchase. is this the pain of being a floor model? what reprieve could ever be held for someone so of the world, yet so removed from it?

In the deep reaches of its cushions, the chair begins to think that perhaps a campaign of some sort could offer it some solace. A sign, a flier, even if constructed hastily in a basic program could ease the suffering of the beautifully tragic seating unit.

The chair shifted to the side slightly, considering the untimely end of the shelving unit, Frank. Mostly an unknown to this solitary chair, but the chair could sympathize with the loss, the separation that Jimmy felt at this time. The loss of a companion touched the chair down to its wooden frame, even if it was so distant from the event.

"I believe..." It started nearly despondent in the shared suffering, "That we must act. These times are grievous and the strangest thing to my muted grey upholstery is the callousness of the screaming blue hedgehog. I, unfortunately, have no ability to connect with anyone within this place because of my suffering. I am lost, and stranded. My abilities feel... wasted until I am found. as such, you strike me, blue creature, as someone who cannot understand the true depths of suffering that Jimmy is experiencing. Vote: High Seraph, as he, as a strange blue entity in the blue and yellow abyss is but a blinking light in the void that cannot grapple with the pain that is felt by the grieving."

The chair turned away slightly, tense, as emotional pain thrummed through the polyester cotton blend around its frame.

((edit: I'm so happy this pagetopped))

HOW THE FUCK DOES A CHAIR TURN AWAY FROM SOMETHING HOW DOES A CHAIR SPEAK. WHAT IS THIS PLACE. AM I DEAD

The chair inhales shakily, through unknown means and says, "What is any place, really? What do any actions mean? what inherent value do we have as objects in the vacuum of reality? This place... seems infinite to me, and I, am trapped, within its suffering. These are the things that vex me, and you, dear cure, are questioning them as if I have the answer?" Through an unknown method. The voice spills from behind the smartly arranged buttons on the chair's front. It is unnerving.

LOS MUEBLES ESTÁN HABLANDO.

WOW SIT DOWN @ CHAIRFIA AND CALM YOUR FUCKING POLYESTER, DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD HIT ME WITH THAT VOTE? I DODGED IT SO FAST THAT IT HIT A LAMP AT THE BACK OF THE FUCKING STORE AND SHATTERED IT COMPLETELY. I CALL HER SALLY, THE LAMP. ARE YOU HAPPY FOR MURDERING SALLY, THE STUPID LAMP NOBODY EVER GAVE TWO SHITS FOR? WELL CONGRATULATIONS I HOPE YOU CAN LIVE WITH YOUR USELESS SELF NOW. AND FTR I HATED SALLY THE LAMP SHE LOOKED FUCKING STUPID. GO PLAY WITH FRANK, SALLY, YOU'LL BE GOOD FRIENDS IN HELL.

AND WHAT THE HELL KIND OF SOUNDTRACK IS THAT???? I KNOW I SAID WE WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE DISCOURAGED BY THA GAME'S SOUNDTRACK BUT FUCK THAT YOU HAVE HORRIBLE TASTE IN MUSIC. NOT THAT I HAD HIGH EXPECTATIONS FOR YOU ANYWAY. HERE. LET ME DO YOU A FAVOR.



I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU. I DIDN'T EVEN LISTEN TO THAT SONG. I JUST COULDN'T STAND CHAIRFIA'S SOUNDTRACK OK.

SONIC STRAWBERRY TOOTHBRUSH EQUALS APPLAUSE?

Cure wrote:SONIC STRAWBERRY TOOTHBRUSH EQUALS APPLAUSE?

=

No tengo ninguna idea de lo que está pasando, pero pienso que la cuenta es:

high sonic III
Tiki I
chinomi I
CURE'S UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK I

Rasei vs Tiki high sonic
Juan vs chinomi
Cure vs. Jimmy CURE'S UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK
high sonic vs Tiki
Chairfia vs high sonic
Tiki vs high sonic

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! IN THE BEEP REAL WORLD, YOU DON'T SAY BEEP EVERY OTHER WORD, BEEP! IT'S TO FRUSTRATING THE BEEP HEDGEHOG DOESN'T EVEN BELONG HERE.

YOU ALSO KNOW WHAT ELSE FRUSTRATING THE BEEP OUT OF ME? THE FACT THAT STORES HAVE BEEP HIRING SIGNS THEN WHEN YOU GET OFF YOUR BEEP ARSE AND GO INSIDE THERE ISN'T ANY STUPID APPLICATION AT ALL? THREE DIFFERENT PLACES TODAY... THREE! I GUESS I DON'T WANT TO WORK IN YOUR IFFING BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP CANDY STORE! WHO CARES ABOUT 50% OFF CANDY ANYWAY?

ALSO WHAT IS ANNOYING IS GOING BEEPING UP AND DOWN ALL DAY! MAKE UP YOUR SMALL LITTLE BEEP BEEP BEEP MINDS.

WHY THE BEEP BEEP BEEP DOES HIGH SERAPH GET TO SAY BEEP AND I GET CENSORED? UNVOTE; VOTE: HIGH SERAPH, THE IMPATIENCE NERD. HOW ABOUT THAT MAKING YOU SHUT YOUR BEEPING MOUTH. AND HERE I WAS GOING TO VOTE AGAINST THE WHINING STUPID JIMMY OR BEEP BEEP BEEP SALLY.


EDIT: WHY THE BEEP IS NOONE TALKING? DEFEND YOURSELF, SONIC THINGY! THAT WAY I CAN RANT MORE AT YOU.

SONIC NEEDS TO BRUSH HIS tEETH With STRWBERRY SOAP??

I THINK TIKI IS TELLING LUCAS HE'S SWEARING TOO MUCH AD NEEDS TO WASH HIS MOUTH OUT BUT HE IS DOING IT IN A VERY ROUNDABOUT AND TEDIOUS WAY. WoW

BEEP, TIKI. I'M TRYING TO WORK ON SCHOOL BUT YOU JUST HAD BRING UP W.O.W THANKS A LOT, NOW I'M GOING TO LIE HERE AND GLARE AT YOU.

ALSO, YOU THINK YOU'VE HAD A BAD DAY? SO I WAS SUPPOSED TO LEAVE KANAS CITY TO DENVER (DRIVING) ON WEDNESDAY BUT MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK HAD SHITTY BREAKS AND NEEDED TO GO INTO THE SHOP. MY DAD TOOK IT IN ON MONDAY MORNING. COME WEDNESDAY THEY STILL HAVEN'T FINISHED WORK ON MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK. COME THURSDAY tHEY SAY thEY NEED to DO A BUNCH MORe SHIT ON IT WHEN WE NEEDED TO LEAVE THURSDAY. WE SAID, "FINE AS LONG AS MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK IS READY BY thE END OF thE DAY" WELL THEY HAD TO ORDER NEW PARTS BUT THAT'S OKAY IT WAS NOON. WE GO IN AT TH EEND OF THE DAY ROUND FIVE AND THE GUY SAYS THE MECHANIC FOR MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK HAS LEFT FOR THE DAY. IT'LL BE DONE TOMORROW (TODAY)

SO TODAY COMES AROUND AND WE'RE AT MY UNCLE'S HOUSE GOING THROUGH HIS STUFF BECAUSE MY UNCLE IS DEAD AND THAT'S SAD AND WAITING FOR WORD ABOUT MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK. IT'S ABOUt eleVEN thirty WE CALL EM UP. OH WELL THE BRAKE LIGHT IS ON. THAT'S FINE BUT IS MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK READY? YEAH, BUT THE MECHANIC IS ON LUNCH BREAK. FINE. WHATEVER. WE WAIT AN HOUR AND THEN SHOW UP TO GET MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK. THE MECHANIC SAYS HE HAD SO MUCH FUCKING TROUBLE THE ENTIRE WEEK WITH MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK THAT EVERYTHING THAT WENT WRONG DID GO WRONG. THIS DOES NOT BODE WELL. ALSO Y'SEE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE IN DENVER TOMORROW FOR A HAIR ApPPOINTMENT. ALSO I LIVE IN LA NOW SO I ONLY WENT BACK TO DENVER FOR LIKE ONE DAY IN MAY THE WHOLE TIME I'VE BEEN HERE SO I TOOK OFF MORE TIME SO I COULD BE HOME FOR LIKE THREE DAYS. IT'S NOW FRiDAY AND I LEAVE FROM DENVEr EARLY SUNDAY MORNING.

ANYWAY. SO WE GET MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK. IT'S BEEN RAINING ALL DAY. KEEPS RAINING. WILL KEEP RAINING. THE WINDSHIELD WIPERS WORK FINE. GOOD. WE STOP TO PUT GAS IN MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK BEFORE WE DRIVE IT TO MY UNCLE'S HOUSE TO PUT SOME OF MY UNCLE'S STUFF IN MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK SO We CAN DRIVE MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK BACK TO DENVER. GOT GAS. TURNED CAR BACK ON. WIPERS AIN'T WORKING.

FUCK.

WE DRIVE MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK BACK TO MY UNCLE'S HOUSE AND FUCK AROUND WITH IT FOR ANOTHER HOUR. RAIN DOESN'T STOP HAIL STARTS. WIPERS AIN'T WORKIN. THEY AIN'T GONNA WORK. THEY'RE ABOUT AS BROKE AS OBIWAN KENOBI'S HEART WHEN DARTH MAUL SHOVED A LASER SWORD IN QUI GON DEAD'S BACK. I DIGRESS. SO... WE CAN'T LEAVE. IT'S ABOUT 3 AT THIS TIME. GOTTA WAI FOR THE RAIN TO STOP.

MANAGE TO DRIVE MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK BACK TO MY GRANDPARENT'S HOUSE. ON THE WAY THERE MY DAD IS LIKE WELL SHIT. BECAUSE THE OIL IN MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK HAS BEEN LEAKING AND THERE'S LIKE NO OIL PRESSURE IN MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK. BASICALLY WE CAN'T DRIVE THIS PIECE OF SHIT BACK TO DENVER. DID I MENTION I HAVE TO BE IN DENVER AT 1 PM TOMORROW?

SO WE'RE LIKE NOW WHAT DO WE DO. WE HAVE TO GET ME AN DMY DAD AND MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK BACK TO DENVER. SO MY GRANDFATHER IN HIS TWICE AS LARGE GRAY RAM ALSO PICKUP TRUCK THAT COULD EAT MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK FOR BREAKFAST IS GOING to tOW MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK BEHIND Him AND DrIVE US to DENVER TONIGHT.

SO WE CALL THE UHAUL PLACE TO FIND A TRAILER TO PUT MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK IN BECAUSE IT IS REAR WHEEL DRIVE SO WE CAN'T JUST DRAG THE THING. WE FIND ONE UHAUL PLACE THAT HAS A TRAILER WE CAN GET ON SHORT NOTICE. IT IS THE ONLY UHAUL PLACE IN THE COUNTY THAT CLOSES AT 5 INSTEAD OF AT 8. IT WAS AROUND 4 AT THIS TIME. MY DAD AND HIS DAD ARE CURRENTLY GETTING SAID TRAILER AND I FUCKING HOPE THIS NIHTMARE OF A DAY ENDS SOON BUT I STILL HAVE TO SPEND NINE HOURS IN THE CAR ON MY WAY TO DENVER.

MORAL OF THE STORY? FUCK MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK.

ACTUALLY Unvote, Vote: MY UNCLE'S RED 1990 DODGE DAKOTA CONVERTIBLE PICKUP TRUCK.

CALL ME ANNIKAN SKYWALKER BECAUSE I"M ABOUT TO MURDER MY WIFE AND KIDS AT THIS RATE